


Baby;

by unintentionallyangsty



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angsty Schmoop, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Boys Kissing, Brotzly - Freeform, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Makeouts, Making Out, Neck Kissing, Panic Attacks, Romance, Schmoop, Sloppy Makeouts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 08:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12207771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty
Summary: Dirk discovers an affinity for using pet names, and Todd becomes oddly fond of the habit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted for my tumblr prompt fills, and based off of [this prompt!](http://elijahwoodnot.tumblr.com/post/163005586780/jaywani-so-i-changed-things-up-a-small-amount)  
> thank you for reading!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk stumbles across a new, intriguing idea that adds yet another code to crack to the puzzle that is Todd Brotzman.

It started over breakfast.

Todd was sat across from Dirk at the small kitchen table in his apartment, staring listlessly into his near-full cup of black coffee and blinking in short rapid spurts, as if trying to wake himself up through willpower alone.

It had been a long week for the both of them. Three separate cases and Farah being out of town had ensured that much. Dirk hid a yawn behind his elbow, glancing out of the corner of his eye again at his companion. Todd, it seemed, had taken the brunt of the exhaustion. While Dirk was (generally) able to bounce back quite easily after many long, restless nights- ready to move on to the next problem at hand with renewed enthusiasm at the beginning of each day- Todd was a bit of a different story.

All this to say, Dirk found that even his boundless energy had its limitations. Three cases, two sleepless nights, and one grumpy assistant was quite enough to propel him straight into a state of near-exhaustion, it seemed.

And, he was soon to discover, in his exhausted state he was somewhat prone to letting certain things… _slip_.

“Could you pass the cereal please, dear?” Dirk mumbled, hiding another yawn behind his hand and extending the other to accept the requested box.

Todd froze, his coffee halfway to his mouth, and gazed at Dirk, his eyes widening almost comically over the rim of the mug. “Dirk,” He began, choking the words out, really, and slowly placed the coffee back onto the table with a soft _thud_ , “Dirk, I– What?”

“I asked if you’d pass the cereal.” Dirk replied, furrowing his brow in confusion, before his previous words caught up with him and he felt his own eyes widening slightly, “That is I– I didn’t–”

Todd stood, so suddenly that Dirk nearly shrank back, and gazed at Dirk for another long, pensive moment.

“I, um–” He coughed, “I need to…” He trailed off, giving Dirk another long and contemplative look (and _really_ , he shouldn’t have looked quite as shocked as he did) before he moved off toward the bathroom without another word.

Dirk watched him go, feeling the first prickles of something other than the initial bewilderment at his own actions begin to prickle in his chest. “Have fun!” He called brightly, nearly grinning at the strangled sound Todd made before slamming the bathroom door shut forcefully behind himself.

Dirk turned back to the table a moment later, his satisfied smirk slowing dying as he contemplated the slip and, more specifically, the bright red flush crawling up Todd’s neck as soon as the words (the _word_ ) had registered in his mind.

Dirk swallowed, his own cheeks starting to feel a little warm at the thought. “Oh, shit.”

—

They didn’t talk about the moment after that, though Dirk found the entire incident a little hard to forget, if he was being honest. And, however much he wanted to deny it, he soon found himself becoming a little antsy for an opportunity to test the theory again.

His opportunity came, as it turned out, a few weeks later as they’re seated at opposite ends of the Detective Agency office.

Todd was seated on the sofa they’d somehow managed to squeeze into the small room, his laptop balanced on his knees and a pencil eraser caught firmly between his teeth.

Farah was sat to Dirk’s left, her brow furrowed as she pored over the agency’s expenses which sat spread out before her on the desk. (And honestly, Dirk thought, he really should thank Farah for everything she did more often.)

Dirk’s gaze flitted between the papers he had spread before where his elbows were perched on the edge of the desk (potential cases that he was supposed to be reviewing) and Todd himself, the memories he (quite frankly) he hadn’t had time to consider until now of that breakfast weeks ago rising back to the surface of his mind.

The room was quiet, save for the occasional click of Todd’s pointer fingers on the keys of his laptop, and Dirk was suddenly struck with the realization that this was his chance; the Universe was offering him another opportunity.

Which just left the question of _which_ word might prompt a similar reaction from Todd. He couldn’t use _dear_ again, he mused, and _dearest_ seemed too similar. He could use something more traditional, like _love_ , but it somehow didn’t seem to be quite casual enough for their current setting. Dirk made a face, disappointed at his own lack of creativity. _It shouldn’t have to be so difficult,_ he thought with a frustrated huff, ready to give up and try again later. Unless… Dirk perked up slightly, and cast another glance in Todd’s direction.

“Todd,” He called, hesitantly, ignoring the curious look Farah shot him and the way Todd practically startled to attention at the sudden noise, “Would you mind taking a look at this, honey?” The words sounded awkward and forced, Dirk thought immediately, trying not to grimace outright.

Dirk noticed Farah’s reaction before anything else. Her brows rose nearly to her hairline, and her jaw dropped open before the action seemed to catch up with her, and she snapped it closed with an audible _click_ , turning to give Dirk a wildly bewildered look.

Todd, it seemed, felt similarly. His face, after smoothing out in his initial shock, scrunched up into an expression Dirk could only describe as disgust.

“ _Don’t_ call me that.” He snapped, the warning ringing out very clearly through the words, and nearly tossed his laptop to the side before he seemed to think better of the action and gently placed it onto the sofa next to him. He stood, then, and glanced between Dirk and the front door contemplatively.

Dirk was briefly afraid that he would turn and exit entirely, leaving Dirk to bemoan his own mistake in silence, before Todd exhaled an exasperated huff and stalked over to the desk side. “What do you want me to look at?” He muttered, leaning over to study the papers laid out before Dirk in curiosity.

Dirk found himself unable to stop the racing of his pulse at the sudden proximity, and cleared his throat, glancing between the words swimming on the papers before them and Todd himself. (The smaller man smelt faintly of aftershave, and Dirk found himself suddenly a little dizzy.)

“I, um–” Dirk coughed again, “I’ve quite forgotten.” And though he couldn’t necessarily see it, Dirk could practically _feel_ Farah rolling her eyes.

Todd blinked, furrowing his brow before drawing back and giving Dirk one of those long looks he seemed so fond of.

“Right.” He replied, glancing hastily between Farah and Dirk himself, “I’m going to get us more coffee, then.” He turned on his heel and, with one last fleeting glance cast in Dirk’s direction, seemed to fairly trot out the front door.

Dirk blinked, willing his pulse to slow to a somewhat more reasonable rate, before he turned back to meet Farah’s eyes hesitantly. He opened his mouth to speak (though what he intended to say, he wasn’t entirely sure), but Farah quickly raised a hand and halted any words that might have thought about escaping.

“I don’t want to know.” She demanded, her face twisting in confusion, almost as if she didn’t know whether she should laugh or cry. “Just… I don’t think he liked that one.” She turned back to her work then, refusing to meet Dirk’s eye again.

Dirk exhaled a weary breath. “I’d have to agree.” He murmured, though was kept from complete disappointment as he recalled the faint blush that had appeared on Todd’s cheeks as he’d exited the room.

Not all hope was lost then, perhaps.

—

Nearly a week had gone by following the second… incident, and Dirk was no closer to his goal than he had been previously.

What that goal was, per se, he wasn’t entirely sure. He was, however, completely dedicated to finding out what it might be, and reaching it before he and Todd were both too old, and too exhausted, for such shenanigans.

He had, however, exhausted a near extensive list of pet names for Todd in the short span of time that had passed, and had narrowed the list of potentials considerably.

The verdict being that Todd seemed to approve of none of the proffered pet names, and seemed to be catching onto his attempts with some commendable detective work of his own. If his narrowed eyes and considerably toned down reactions Dirk’s continued efforts were anything to go by, that is. He was far more observant than Dirk gave him credit for, sometimes.

The thought in mind, Dirk considered that it might be for the best to let this particular… _infatuation_ go entirely, and move on to further prospects that might be more enjoyable for each party involved. (Dirk had never seen Farah so uncomfortable as she had been following the incident in the office, and he felt somewhat bad about that, thinking back.)

Dirk allowed the entire mess to drop from his mind as let himself into Todd’s apartment (now his and Todd’s, really) wearily and cast his gaze around the room, noting with some disappointment that Todd didn’t seem to be at home, currently.

“Todd?” He called, just in case, nearly startling when a muffled commotion sounded from the bathroom, not a moment later.

“Todd?” He repeated, approaching the closed door and knocking timidly, “Todd, are you in there?” He furrowed his brow when only silence answered him and leaned forward to press his ear to the door, drawing back in shock not seconds later when he heard the soft, gentle breaths on the other side of the wood.

“Todd, I’m coming in.” He declared, firmly, reaching forward to grip the doorknob before a harried call of, “ _Stop_!” made him freeze in his actions.

Dirk drew back, and a moment later a soft scuffle came from behind the bathroom door before it opened, slowly, to reveal a weary looking Todd leaning against the counter for support, his face drained of nearly all its color.

“Todd!” Dirk yelped, and strode forward so that he was stood barely a foot from his smaller companion, “What’s happened?”

Todd grimaced, and met Dirk’s gaze reluctantly, “Nothing, I just…”

“Are you sick?” Dirk demanded, when it seemed as if Todd wasn’t going to continue.

Todd exhaled a humorless chuckle. “You could say that.”

Dirk furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to express his confusion, before the words truly caught up with him and he felt his heart sink slowly. “You had an attack.” Todd didn’t reply, but the almost desperate look he gave Dirk spoke enough for him.

“Alright.” Dirk nodded hastily, “I–Um. How long has it, um, been and–”

“I don’t know.” Todd interrupted with a shrug, “A bit, now. Sorry–”

“Don’t apologize.” It was Dirk’s turn to interrupt. He extended a hand and let it hover inches away from Todd. When it seemed that Todd wasn’t going to recoil, Dirk curled his hand securely around his elbow with what he hoped was an encouraging smile.

Todd huffed a small smile of his own, and allowed himself to be led out of the bathroom doorway, something Dirk counted as a serious victory, as far as “relationship progression” went.

Something about the innate trust behind the action must have flipped some unknown, dusty switch in Dirk’s mind, however, and gave him an unnoticed boost of confidence he had otherwise been lacking in the past.

“Let’s get you to bed, baby.” Dirk murmured, and he turned to lead Todd toward the bed in the corner when his own words belatedly caught up with him and he froze, his eyes, trained firmly ahead, widening in shock.

It had been a mistake. A simple slip-up that, Dirk lamented, didn’t even sound casual enough to be completely accidental; but was, all the same.

From behind, Dirk could hear Todd swallowing, and inhaling a slow, steadying breath. “Dirk–”

“I’m sorry!” Dirk cried, spinning around to face Todd with a pleading look, and releasing Todd’s elbow in the process. “It was a mistake. I would never– You’re not well, and–”

“Dirk.” Todd interrupted firmly, taking a step forward and extending both hands to grip at Dirk’s own elbows gently. “It’s okay. I’m fine.” Which was when Dirk’s senses caught up with him completely, and he noticed the deep red blush staining the skin of Todd’s cheekbones, deepening around his nose and jaw.

He blinked, searching Todd’s eyes (suddenly much brighter than they had been moments ago, Dirk was certain) for any sign of hesitation before he leaned forward, haltingly, and placed a soft, feather-light kiss against the warm skin of Todd’s cheek.

Todd’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact and Dirk, encouraged, moved to place another kiss against the rough stubble on his jaw.

“It’s okay, baby.” He whispered, his own feelings of foolishness evaporating when Todd inhaled a sharp, audible breath, and pressed almost desperately closer. Dirk pressed a long kiss to the pulse point at Todd’s jaw in return. “ _Baby_.”

“ _Dirk_.” Todd murmured back, his eyes remaining closed as his brow furrowed tightly. He let out a strained sounding groan when Dirk moved to suck slightly at the skin of his neck, his breaths quickening into wheezy sounding gasps. “I–I know what you’ve been doing.” He huffed out.

Dirk fought back a smile, and pressed a long kiss to the area he’d been working at before moving his attention lower, to press a line of slow, gentle kisses along Todd’s collarbone, impatiently batting the collar of the smaller man’s flannel out of the way. “Do you?”

“This–” Todd whined a little, his hands moving from Dirk’s elbows to grip at Dirk’s waist, “This whole. Pet name thing. You’re not as– _nn–_ not as subtle as you think, y’know.” He chuckled breathlessly.

Dirk hummed noncommittally, forcing himself to hold back when Todd practically keened as he bit down sharply on one of the collarbones beneath his lips. “And is it working?” He inquired breathily.

Todd grunted, “What?”

“The pet names.” Dirk replied with forced casualty, pressing one last firm kiss to the abused skin of Todd’s collarbone before lifting his head to meet Todd’s gaze. “Are they working?”

Todd looked a little bereft at the lack of contact, and he stepped closer, his low-lidded gaze tracing Dirk’s lips for a long moment before he seemed to force himself to meet Dirk’s eyes. “If I say yes, will you keep going?”

“Absolutely.” Dirk replied breathlessly, and without hesitation.

Todd’s face split into a small grin, “Then absolutely.”

Dirk returned the grin brightly, before leaning in to capture Todd’s lips happily beneath his own, pressing forward with just enough force to propel the two of them back until the back of Todd’s calves bumped into the edge of the sofa.

“Love.” Dirk whispered, fervently, breaking the kiss to gasp for air before pressing a sloppy kiss the already reddening skin of Todd’s neck, “ _Baby…_ ” He whispered against the skin.

Todd whimpered, his grip on Dirk’s waist tightening to the point of it almost being painful, were Dirk not so grateful for the grounding contact.

Todd broke away not moments later, however, and fell back onto the couch, dragging Dirk down with him after a brief hesitation and grinning outright when Dirk burrowed closer, immediately resuming his attentions on the skin around Todd’s jaw.

“ _Lovely…_ ”

“Okay, Dirk.” Todd cut in, though the words lacked any real heat. “You’re gonna have to take it easy on the names, there.”

Dirk paused, lifting his head to meet Todd’s eyes, now quite suspiciously bright and a little red-rimmed, and quirked a smile. “Whatever you say, love.”

Todd sucked in a trembling breath, before he exhaled a watery chuckle, his cheeks dimpling delightfully. “I love you.” He blurted, his forehead wrinkling as if he were confused by his own openness, but his smile remaining firmly in place, all the same. “I–I know I don’t say it enough but…”

Dirk blinked, a little taken aback, as well, before his own mouth stretched into a wide, helpless grin. He leaned forward to press his smile firmly against Todd’s for a long moment before he pulled back to rest his forehead against the other man’s, closing his eyes and allowing himself to simply _be_ for the moment, his heart full near to bursting.

“You too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit of hurt/comfort that continues (vaguely) off of the first chapter. (again, i just like writing about pet names)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads-up this chapter has a potentially triggering sequence involving a pretty realistic panic attack. please take care of yourselves!

The phone call was really what had done it, Dirk would reflect much later. Or, at the very least, it was what had started everything off.

They’d been sitting quite comfortably in the relative silence of the office. Todd had been clacking away at his laptop for the past hour, his side pressed warmly and comfortably against Dirk’s on the sofa, the friendly reminder of his presence warding away the late October chill leaking in through the paper-thin walls and shoddy insulation of the one-room work space.

Which was when Dirk’s phone, resting on the desktop at his elbow, had begun buzzing erratically, causing Dirk to startle badly and Todd to nearly drop his laptop in the sudden, chaotic movement.

“ _Shit_ ,” The smaller man had whispered, rescuing the computer seconds before it hit the ground. “You should probably get that, it might be Farah.” The third member of their trio having been supposedly out meeting with a potential client, as she sometimes preferred to do alone (something about wanting to make sure the individual was “quite ready” before meeting Dirk and, by extension, Todd), and having warned that she might call in the near future to update the two left behind.

“Right,” Dirk had agreed, shooting his partner a small, apologetic grin before reaching out to scoop up the still buzzing mobile phone. “Oh!” He had cried, when his gaze landed on the screen. “I-- erm. I think it’s for you.” He tapped the screen to answer the call and extended the phone before Todd could react.

“For-- What?” Todd had quirked a brow, before drawing the phone to himself and giving Dirk a bewildered look as he answered, “Hello?”

From the other end of the line, a long silence had followed Todd’s greeting, before Amanda’s dry voice echoed, “Todd.”

The rest of the call had followed more or less similarly, Dirk watching with a sinking heart as Todd’s face fell when Amanda declared that she was only, “looking for Farah”, and that her phone seemed to be off, so she had decided to call Dirk for answers. When Todd had opened his mouth to reply, his brow knitting already in disappointment, Amanda had sighed deeply before snapping out a short, “See you, Todd.” and hanging up entirely.

In hindsight, Dirk would admit, remembering the way Todd had handed the phone back to Dirk in defeat, eyes downcast and lower lip caught between his teeth, it hadn’t been one of his finer moments. In his defense, however, he and Farah had been attempting to mend the tattered relationship between the Brotzman siblings for _months_. Despite Amanda being in regular contact with Farah and, to a certain extent, Dirk himself, she rarely seemed to willingly exchange any extent of interaction with her brother.

The effect the cool behavior and treatment had on Todd was, therefore, almost pathetically obvious. His papery smiles when Amanda was at all alluded to in the conversation seemed to crumple not seconds later, his jaw tightening as he glanced away and refused to contribute to the conversation, or he simply attempted to change the subject entirely.

Though they rarely spoke on the matter out loud, Todd seemed perfectly willing to move on with their relationship as if nothing had happened between them-- despite the sheer lunacy of the concept, a fact Dirk was certain that Todd was well aware of himself.

So they didn’t talk about it, much to Dirk’s own private chagrin, for he was confident that, with a little more communication involved, the entire issue could be resolved in half the time it had taken them to get even this far.

This was, however, the Brotzmans they were dealing with, he reminded himself. And they were hardly well known for their easy compliance or open communication techniques.

Which was what found Dirk back at his (his and Todd’s now, really) apartment, bracing himself outside the front doorway for the encounter ahead.

In truth, he’d been perfectly aware that this was where Todd would end up almost as soon as the other man had left the office not an hour after the phone call had ended, smiling thinly and pleading his exit with a flimsy promise of his return.

Two hours of Dirk jittering his knee in a mixture of impatience and nerves found the office still empty of Todd, at which point Dirk had leapt from his spot on the sofa and set out for home, confident in spite of his hesitance of the smaller man’s whereabouts.

He inhaled a deep, steeling breath now, letting his hand rest tentatively on the cool wood of the apartment door before turning his key and bidding himself entrance without so much as a knock.

For a moment, when he entered, Dirk was certain that he had miscalculated, and that the apartment was empty. Perhaps Todd was upstairs in his own apartment, he conceded. It wasn’t quite where he’d anticipated, but his hunch wouldn’t have been necessarily wrong, in that case.

A soft snuffle sounded from the corner, however, and Dirk’s eyes were drawn to the floor beside the sofa. There, one of Dirk’s quilts wrapped around his shoulders, bunched almost to his ears, was Todd. His eyes, previously trained listlessly on the glowing screen of his laptop, raised slowly, almost groggily, to peer uncertainly at Dirk’s form in the doorway.

“Todd!” Dirk yelped, before the other man could speak, and began striding across the room, only to force himself to slow in his approach when Todd seemed to shrink back slightly.

This close, Dirk could just make out the vague trembling of the smaller man’s shoulders, and how tightly his hands were wrapped around the edges of the blanket, knuckles gone almost white with the force of their grip.

“Dirk,” Todd echoed, drawing Dirk’s gaze roughly back to his own with the simple word, both forced sounding and too loud in the careful silence of the apartment. “I-- where--”

“You didn’t come back.” Dirk interrupted, closing the distance between them and falling to his knees next to Todd’s side. He forced himself to keep his tone soft and level, and was therefore slightly frustrated with himself at the betraying quaver the words held as they escaped.

Todd’s expression shifted slightly, crumpling into something that appeared to be a mixture of apology and disgust (despite the initial alarm, it didn’t take Dirk long to connect who the latter emotion might be directed at). “I’m sorry.” He offered wearily, at last, his gaze dropping back to the glow of his laptop almost as soon as the words were spoken. “I--”

“I didn’t--” Dirk cried, leaning forward, only to pause and clear his throat, forcing himself to remain still and lower his tone to something more reasonable. He clenched his hands in the fabric of his trousers at the knees. “I didn’t mean that you had to be sorry.” He offered, at last, feeling a small flutter of hope when Todd’s eyes met his again. “I just-- I was worried.”

“You don’t have to worry.” Todd insisted, so quickly that Dirk was almost startled by the insistence.

“Todd,” He reasoned, allowing himself to raise one hand and let it hover, tentatively but without quite touching, over Todd’s elbow nearest to him. “You’re shaking.”

“It’s-- Ah--” Todd clenched his jaw and swallowed, the sound loud and grating between his arguments.

“I’m sorry about the phone call.” Dirk blurted, before Todd could continue, drawing his hand back and his heart tightening at the slight quiver of Todd’s chin at the topic. “I didn’t-- I wasn’t thinking. It was-- It was stupid! I’m sorry.”

“Dirk,” Todd sighed wearily, his gaze following the silent retreat of Dirk’s hand. “It’s not--” He inhaled sharply. “It’s-- It’s not your fault. I’m sorry.”

Dirk made a face. “Why are _you_ sorry?”

Todd watched him warily for a moment, the silence between them suddenly charged and thick in a way that had Dirk feeling a little out of his depth. “I--” he trailed off, his gaze falling away yet again and remaining stubbornly glued to the floor beside Dirk’s knees.

Dirk exhaled a sigh, when it seemed as if Todd wasn’t going to continue, and made to stand, only to freeze in his actions when Todd made a soft sound of protest at the back of his throat. When Dirk turned in curiosity, Todd’s forehead was scrunched in confusion, almost as if the sound had been made involuntarily, but his eyes remained locked with Dirk’s.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Dirk soothed, his sudden assurance at the interpretation of the wordless exchange quite beyond him, but present, all the same. Todd said nothing, but dropped his gaze again and shifted a little uncomfortably.

Dirk let his gaze rest on his companion for another long moment, before he turned and made his way toward the bedroom. In minutes he had found what he was looking for, and returned to the main room grinning, one of his large, weighted blankets held triumphantly in both arms.

“Here!” He cried, hastening back to Todd’s side and presenting the blanket proudly. “You like this one much better. It’ll help!” He extended the offering until it was held just beneath Todd’s nose, forcing his smile to remain in place when Todd simply eyed him doubtfully.

“I’m fine, Dirk.” He finally argued, voice kept deliberately low and controlled. Dirk noted this, along with the way Todd’s eyes dropped, just briefly, to glance consideringly at the offered blanket.

“Oh, just!” Dirk dropped the weighted blanket and reached forward, trying to ignore Todd’s small flinch and tugging ineffectually at where the quilt was bunching at Todd’s shoulder. “Take the blanket, Todd!”

Todd gaped, appearing a little affronted, and Dirk was briefly afraid that he would simply stand and retreat into his own apartment before the moment passed, and Todd huffed a weary sigh, “Fine,” He acquiesced, shifting so that the quilt fell from his shoulders and shuddering a little as the cool air of the apartment hit him.

Before he could move to accept the blanket, however, Dirk swooped in and wrapped it firmly around Todd’s shoulders himself, fretting and smoothing at where it bunched around the smaller man’s elbows until it was tucked firmly and neatly. He punctuated his satisfaction with a brief squeeze of Todd’s upper arms, feeling his heart flutter a little at the bright flush that had begun to spread across the man’s nose, accentuating each freckle delicately.

“Do you want anything else? Tea? Soup?” Dirk made a face, suddenly a little unsure of just what was customary to offer in a situation similar to this.

Todd’s face scrunched a little at the mention of food, and Dirk felt the tight band around his lungs loosen a little at the familiar reaction. “I’m okay,” He protested, finally. “Just-- Dirk--”

“I won’t leave.” Dirk insisted, reading the silence for himself and moving before he could rethink the decision to place a hand where Todd’s neck met his shoulder, his thumb rubbing softly at the skin there, only encouraged by the small shudder Todd gave at the contact. “Todd,” He whispered, leaning forward to press a small, feather-light kiss to Todd’s cheekbone. The smaller man let out a soft exhale, his eyes fluttering closed at the contact, and Dirk’s grip on his shoulder tightened slightly. “ _Todd_ ,” He repeated, pressing another kiss to Todd’s cheek. “ _Darling_.”

Which was when Todd inhaled sharply, freezing beneath Dirk’s fingers before his eyes flew open, and he wrenched himself away, leaving Dirk to fall back (quite ungracefully) onto his ass with a slight _oomph_ and pout slightly at Todd’s retreating form.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Todd grit out, clenching his jaw and glaring at Dirk wildly. “N--No. What the _fuck_ , Dirk?”

“Todd?” Dirk shook his head in confusion. In the past (after the first initial couple speed bumps which they did not speak of), Todd’s reaction to such names had been overwhelming positive. Ranging from simple, exasperated chuckles to desperate, passionate snogs; all spurred on by the pet-names of varying creativity whispered by Dirk himself.

The vehement rejection was, therefore, something quite new and unexpected. Dirk opened his mouth to say as much, pushing the hurt to the back of his mind, when Todd shook his head furiously, therefore causing any words Dirk might have wanted to say to dry on the tip of his tongue.

“No,” Todd repeated, his voice wobbling dangerously. “I don’t need to-- You don’t-- I’m not--” He inhaled a wheezing breath, his brow furrowing in his frustration, and began to claw the the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, as if somewhat surprised to find it there still.

“Todd!” Dirk cried, propping himself back onto his knees so that he was less than a foot away from the struggling man, and extending his hands out in what he hoped was a soothing manner. “You need to calm down.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Todd snapped, finally succeeding in tearing the blanket off before pausing and pausing to study his own shaking hands, his nose wrinkled in distaste and his breaths coming out in short, shallow gasps now.

“You’re not! You’re panicking.” Dirk cried, almost immediately berating himself for baiting an argument, even now, but continuing anyway, “Todd, please.”

“I’m--” Todd swallowed thickly and groaned lowly before burying his face in his knees, his hands tangling in his hair and resting there for a moment before tightening until the knuckles paled.

Dirk watched, horrifically fascinated, as Todd continued to tremble and gasp for another long moment before he viciously, quite without warning, began to tug at the strands of hair still tangled between his fingers.

“Hey!” Dirk yelped in alarm, swooping forward and gripping Todd’s hands beneath his own. “Stop,” He commanded, when Todd began to struggle and continued to tug. “Todd, _stop!_ ”

“ _Gah!_ ” Todd yelled, releasing his hair (to Dirk’s immense relief) and burying his face in his hands. “Fuck, _fuck!_ ” His hands tightened into small fists. “It’s my fault. I-- Oh, god.” He whimpered.

“ _Todd_ ,” Dirk croaked, shaking his head and feeling his heart clench painfully at how small Todd’s voice had become. “It’s alright. It’s not your fault. None of this is--”

“It’s my fault!” Todd repeated, his voice pitching again, and raised his head so quickly Dirk could hear his neck crack, though he pretended not to. “It is!” He pegged Dirk with a wide eyed, almost pleading expression. “She hates me. Amanda hates me and she’s going to keep hating me and it’s my fault. I ruined her life just like I ruined mine just like I--I’m ruining yours and--” His breath hitched again. “ _Fuck_.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Todd.” Dirk demanded, suddenly, straightening his chin and forcing himself to meet Todd’s bewildered gaze head on.

“Haven’t you been listening?” Todd gasped another breath, thought kept his gaze on Dirk’s face, something Dirk counted as a small victory.

“Amanda doesn’t hate you.” Dirk continued, firmly, when Todd opened his mouth and seemed ready to protest. “She is frustrated, and she is angry. But she doesn’t hate you.”

When Todd said nothing, just continued to eye Dirk warily, his breaths still leaving him in short, painful sounding exhales, Dirk scooted forward to wrap his hands gently around Todd’s that lay quivering in his lap, now. “You haven’t ruined anyone’s life.” Dirk murmured, “And it’s frankly ridiculous for you to even entertain the notion.”

Todd simply frowned, and shook his head a little. “Dirk--”

“ _Please_ ,” Dirk interrupted, “You haven’t. And I can’t speak for Amanda but,” He chided himself when Todd winced slightly, but hastened on, “I can say with confidence that my own life has only been improved since I found you. Please, Todd.” He repeated, trailing off and tightening his grip slightly.

Todd, having let his gaze fall away, met Dirk’s again and held it for a long, tremulous moment, his brow furrowing as he seemed to struggle for a response.

“Can I--” Dirk forced himself to pause, ignoring the tugging at his consciousness that insisted that he fall forward, wrap Todd safely and warmly in his arms and press soft kisses to every inch of him he could reach until he was rewarded with a smile. “Can I come closer?”

Todd nodded almost frantically-- almost as soon as the words had left Dirk’s mouth, to Dirk’s own surprise. Rather than ask twice, however, Dirk scooted forward until his side was pressed to Todd’s own, their breaths intermingling and their faces only inches apart.

“Can I kiss you?” Dirk whispered. Todd whimpered slightly, but nodded again, his lip quivering and his eyes falling shut when Dirk pressed a long, desperate kiss to the furrows on his brow, releasing one of Todd’s hands in order to reach up and tangle his fingers in the hair at the back of Todd’s head.

“I love you.” Dirk whispered against the skin there, willing all possible sincerity and conviction into the declaration. “Todd,” He pressed another kiss. “ _Baby_.”

The dam broke. With a messy sounding exhale that ended on a watery sob, Todd fell forward, the flushed skin of his forehead falling from Dirk’s lips to press against his neck as he heaved and hiccuped against the collar of Dirk’s shirt.

“ _There_ ,” Dirk breathed, releasing a trembling exhale of his own and allowing his eyes to slide shut as he wound his arms around Todd’s trembling shoulders and pulled him closer. “Hey, it’s alright.” He moved to place a kiss to the skin of Todd’s temple. “ _Baby_ , shh.”

“I--” Todd hiccuped and inhaled what sounded like a frankly disturbing amount of snot on one breath. “I’m fine.” He did not, however, make as if to move anytime soon.

Dirk released a breathless chuckle, and nuzzled his face into Todd’s messy curls. “You are.” He murmured. “We are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! feel (absolutely) free to send prompts/chats here!

**Author's Note:**

> anyway i just always want to write about these two cuddling/kissing. thank you for reading! as always, you can find me [here!](http://elijahwoodnot.tumblr.com/)
> 
> as always, a bit Thank You to my friend [Nat](http://corgiekitten.tumblr.com/) who's always willing to beta read for me and act as an encouragement!! ty!!
> 
>  
> 
> thank you for reading!


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